


I Think I Understand

by melodysrefrain



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Autism, DID/OSDD, HRT and Transition, Inner Worlds, Kingdom Hearts AU, Multi, Multiplicity/Plurality, Neurodiversity, Polyamorous Character, Polycules, Stimming, Trans Character, Transgender, Transitioning, autistic characters, coffee shop AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-24 17:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21741370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodysrefrain/pseuds/melodysrefrain
Summary: Roxas is an enby who works in a coffeeshop. They also happen to have 4 other headmates. Riku is a new employee of this coffeeshop. They have a new headmate, and have just started figuring their head out. Olette lets her employees stim whenever they need to.
Relationships: Hayner/Olette/Pence/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), More later probably - Relationship, Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts), twilight town trio
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

i think i understand.

part i.

_\---_

_avert eyes. keep responses short. make it hard to see how odd i am._

Roxas’s bag was heavy. Too heavy. It made rocking difficult. The bus to work was the only time they really had to themselves where nobody would be paying too close attention to them. They thumbed through Twitter, checking in on what Sora and Xion had posted about while they slept. They didn’t like Twitter very much. Nobody should like Twitter very much.

The bus was slow today. Roxas wondered why. Looking out the window didn’t help, the rain turned the windows to waterfalls. They sounded so calming. But the bus was always loud, so they had to make do with recordings and headphones. If they closed their eyes they could almost imagine themselves sitting in a tent in a storm.

Something that would never actually happen because being in a tent would be a miserable experience. Without a computer and wifi, everything was too hard to deal with.

_did we remember to eat breakfast this morning? we should have but im not sure. i dont feel hungry. do i feel hungry? hungry is when your tummy feels like its grasping for food, and it doesnt feel like that._

They opened their eyes as the bus rolled to a stop. 10:38am. Two minutes later than they would normally get off the bus, but it wouldn’t be a problem. They were always 15 minutes early anyway. Shoving their phone in their pocket, unable to hear the clicking of two key-shaped charms against each other as they walked, they tugged their hood over their head and started the final 2 minutes of walk time.

_1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8,_

They loved this bit. It felt really fun to walk on the pavement slab by slab. It reminded them of hopscotch, which they’d always loved, but were very quickly told they weren’t allowed to play because boys were meant to play football instead. They didn’t understand this social convention. Football felt bad and made them tired, and they weren’t a boy anyway. And all the boys always stared at them whenever they did the slightest thing wrong, which they didn’t understand anyway, and there were so many rules and all they wanted to do was hop on the nice numbers in the boxes that were easy to understand.

_i really hope there wasnt football last night, pence will want to talk about it._

_Did you check?_

_no of course i didnt check!_

_Then you’ll be thankful to know that I did, and there was no football last night!_

_thank you. i love you._

_Say it out loud and I’ll believe it._

They smiled broadly to themself. They could always count on Xion to look these things up for them. Xion understood them in a way they didn’t really know you could be understood. Everything was always so difficult for them, and xhi seemed to just… know somehow. Xhi also remembered to check on things for them. That was always kind.

_7, 8, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6… uh, the door’s a step away, but if I step to the right… 7, 8._

They pulled their feet together on the mat of the cafe they worked at, taking a deep, contented breath, before heading inside.

_I’m here if you need me. I think Sora’s online as well._

_does he ever sleep?_

_Constantly! He drools on the couch sometimes._

_miserable._

“-ow you just got here, but we’ve got a new employee starting today and--”

“Hey, Olette.” The girl in front of them stopped and smiled, turning to face them but looked over at the window behind him. Roxas smiled at her chin. Rituals first.

“Hey Roxas. How was your walk?”

“Short as ever. How’s it been?”

“Just fine. You ready?”

“Of course.”

“Then let’s go!” They walked back together past the chairs and tables, past the tables, most of which were occupied with people happily engaged in their own conversations. It was loud, but not an enclosed space, so it was easy to hear each other, and everything fell into hazy white noise behind them. Past the bar where four customers waited to be served, the fifth getting their drink from Hayner. Hayner waved as they passed them by, without breaking contact from the customer, before looking over at the tablet next to them that the orders appeared on so nobody would have to just remember them. Pence’s voice sang out for the next customer, as they walked through the door to the stockroom. Another day. Nothing seemed too stressful.

“I’m glad it’s you we have today!”

“Does Sora stress you out that much?” Roxas joked, swinging their bag into a locker before pulling their apron and a few pens out of the back pocket.

“Not so much? I just know you’re better at handling new situations.”

“Oh! So we have a new hire?”

“Yes, and they’ll be shadowing you in about 15--”

“16 minutes.”

“--16 minutes when you start. You’re the best we have at teaching so we’ll leave it to you to walk them through but please don’t be too hard on them!”  
  
“They, them?”  
  
“Yes, I checked.” She smiled near them, and they smiled close, shrugging off their coat and hanging it on the wall beside the door. Taking a few things out of the pocket and hastily stuffing them down into their apron, Roxas took out their nametag and and an erasable marker.

“Have they done anything like this before?”

“Once, at one of the big chains.”

“Uuuuugh.” Roxas threw their head back in an exaggerated sigh. Those were always the worst ones. They’d already learned a bunch of techniques, and now they would have to spend so much time unravelling them, or teaching them new techniques, and it’s always a bad situation. They looked back down to their tag and wrote _Rox_ followed by a cross, a spade, and a crown.

“All three?” Olette asked, looking over from idly checking her phone while she waited on them.

“Two and a half. Mostly me today.”

_Not if I have anything to say about lunch._

“We have a lunch date planned.”

“Friend date or date date?” Roxas rolled their eyes at her phone. Olette chuckled at the floor beside him.

“You know the answer to that question. Xhi’s like my sister. Don’t get weird.”

“I know, I know. It’s just easy to poke fun at. Not binding today?” Roxas looked down at their uniform and for the first time recognised the slight shape of their chest.

“Guess not. Must have put a bra on instead. Mornings are always a bit hazy.”

“How’s HRT going?”

“I mean.” They gestured down at their chest and then threw their hands forward. Olette giggled, and looked back to her phone. “Well, I’m glad. How many months now?”

“13 this month. They’re starting to round out now.”

_Oh, I didn’t have time, can you take our meds?_

“Oh, yeah. I can do this thing.”

“Someone forget their meds?” Olette asked, one of her legs bounced against the floor as she talked. Olette was the first person Roxas had met in this place, and the first other person they had ever known to visually suffer with their own neurodivergences. Four years later, she was now manager, but she always made time for Roxas. It was comforting to know someone understood their needs in such an innate way. It was her that had introduced the order’s list tablet after Roxas had suffered yet another meltdown at work from not being able to remember all the orders. They loved her.

“Yes. Also I love you.” Tablets thrown into mouth, Roxas swigged from their water bottle, the many stickers covering the surface shining in the light. They had long since learned that paper stickers felt awful when they got wet and started peeling. They placed the last tablet under their tongue as Olette looked up, grinning.

“I love you too. So. This new person is called Riku. They’re 26, seems like they’ve spent a few years figuring stuff out. I told them to text me when they’re here.”

“Do they have your number?”

“...Ah.”

“Olette.”

“I thought I’d given it to them! I have their resume somewhere…”

She ran off to the office to find their number, leaving Roxas squat against the wall to contemplate things. New starts were always an interesting experience of having to figure out what they did and didn’t know, but there was a script and checklist they could follow in their mind. Scripting things was honestly how they made their way through most days.

People think that scripting things in your head is a bad thing. Most of those people are also not neurodivergent, or ND as everyone short-handed it to. For Roxas, scripts made the world easier. There were social scripts, and work scripts, and interaction with the mailman scripts. There were scripts for the mall, scripts for the cinema. Small talk scripts that made things easier in a situation with strangers that they could always fall back on. A lot of people told them that they didn’t expect them to handle social situations as well as they did, and Roxas’s response was always “well they need to write better scripts then”. The world is a choose your own adventure book, exploring it was difficult, but all the words are written down so it’s not as hard to figure out the next course of action.

Sometimes the book would end half-way through, or the pages would be torn up and hard to read. Sometimes the book would ask for other characters to do things, and they would have to navigate the story for a while, picking up where Roxas had left off. Sometimes a whole new chapter would be released involving new people and places to interact with. And sometimes--

The door swung open as Hayner lead someone else through to the stock room.

“Hey Hey Roxas!”

“Hey Hayner.”

_Never gets old._

_literally never._

“Where’s Olette?”

“Back room, she was looking for… for the new start’s phone number.”

“Forget their name?”

“You know I’m bad with names.”

Hayner’s beaming smile could be felt rather than seen. It was always accompanied with a large intake of breath. “Well, I guess they can tell you themself!” Roxas looked up.

A tall boy stood in front of them, looking over at the lockers. They smiled and waved down at Roxas, but refused to make eye contact. A gentle clicking could be heard from them, and Roxas could see their thumb making telltale movements as they stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do.

“Hi, we’re, uh. I’m Riku.” 

_We?_

_we????_

Their voice was gentle. Comforting, almost. The clicking intensified. Roxas looked up to see them shake their head, finally taking in their attire. Oversized open zip plaid hoodie, leggings, black boots. Another oversized worn sweater underneath. A necklace on long string around their neck, designed to look like a pair of wings. One wing looked heavily chewed on. Roxas looked at Hayner as if to ask _them too?_ but before they could respond, Riku added. “If the clicking is annoying please let me know, I’m still figuring this stimming in public thing out.”

“I’ll leave you lot to get to know each other. Olette, they’re here!” Hayner called out, heading over to the back room. Roxas slowly got to their feet, smoothing out their apron, and attaching their name badge to their chest.

“Hi. Has Olette given you a locker number yet?”

“No.”

“What’s your favourite number?” Roxas looked directly at Riku’s chin, taking their headphones off and stashing them in their bag, closing and locking the door, and pocketing the key. Their phone, tellingly, was still in their pocket. They and Olette had a long-standing agreement.

“Uh, nine.”

“Okay. This will be locker number 9 then.” Roxas turned to one of the lockers, which had a blank sticker affixed to the door. Taking a sharpie, they leaned down and wrote the number 9 on the locker. “This will be yours. We start in 9 minutes which is cool. Do you have a pen and an apron?”

“I do, I got some pens specifically for this. Wanted to have some of my own. They were on sale at the store.” They seemed confused. Their sentences were short, and they seemed like they were assessing everything. Roxas moved out of the way so they could stow their bag away. “Sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”

“My name’s Roxas. We are called Lightseekers.”

Riku stopped dead. They looked directly at Roxas, or as best as they could, their gaze couldn’t stay on them for too long before moving away. Roxas grinned. “So we were right, it wasn’t a slip of the tongue.”

“Did you say… we?” Riku pushed their bag into the locker before turning back to them, their hands shaking at their side.

“Yes. And you can have your stim toys on you as long as they’re sanitary, so you’ll have to take the chewie necklace off. Sorry.”

“...this is… this is normal, isn’t it?”

“For us, yes. It’s completely normal. Seems like it is for you too.”

“Oh this is… very new. I’m very new to this, _we’re_ very new to this.” Roxas smiled and pulled their phone out their pocket. Sora would want to hear about this.

“That’s fine. Does anyone else here know?”

“No…”

“Then there’s no need to tell them. We’ll show y’all around in 4 minutes.” Roxas returned to their phone, squatting back down against the wall.

_OMFG._

_literally same._

_Do you think he’ll be okay?_

_that depends, I left a note for sora to check when she wakes up_

“Oh uh, Roxas?” Roxas looked up towards Riku. “We’re Dawnfinders…”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all, Dawnfinders.” Roxas beamed at them. A full and genuine smile. They even managed to look them in almost in the eyes when they did so. “Well, you ready?” They rocked on the balls of their feet and clapped their hands together. Riku looked down at the floor, holding their necklace in their hands before gently placing it in their locker.

“Uh, sure?”

“Then let’s go.”

\---

chapter 1

_the plural we_


	2. Chapter 2

i think i understand

part ii.

\---

_this is shit_

_Were doing our best. Thats all we can be asked to do._

_youre doing a shit job then_

_No Im not. Not yet anyway._

_theyre probably lying anyway._

_Theyre probably not lying but-_

_your milks too hot._

“Ah! Ah…” The bubbling milk frothed out of the top of the metal jug, gently cascading down the side into the spill tray. Riku sighed. Now really wasn’t the time for a dissociative episode. It’s their first day on the job. And the last thing they needed was _him_ pushing to front.

“Riku, how’s that cappucino coming?” Roxas called over. Their voice was a firm but oddly comforting. And baffling. Extremely baffling. An even tone, lower in their voice than they’d expected. Lower than the brighter voice that spoke to each customer as they passed the counter.

The voice of a person in a system that had been doing this for a long, long time.

“Overheated the milk. Need a few more minutes.” They’re voice sounded more dejected than they wanted it to. Emotions were hard. Not showing too much emotion was hard. They’d spent so many years keeping all those emotions at bay, trying to push them down, to be normal. If they didn’t feel, then they couldn’t feel the wrong emotions. They wouldn’t have gotten in trouble so much. No more though. Not after the winter just past.

“Do you need me to help?” Roxas asked, turning and looking at the milk jug. “Ah. So by overheated you mean boiled.”

“Yes.” Flat responses wouldn’t get chastised.

“How many orders do you have?” Roxas moved closer, with nobody at the counter left to serve. Pence looked over from the other end of the bar, currently in the process of restocking the fridges behind him. His smile was warm and encouraging. Riku locked eyes for half a second before looking down at the orders tablet. Eye contact viscerally hurt.

“This cappuccino, then I’ve got uh… table 4’s oat milk hot chocolate and--”

“Riku, how many orders do you have?” Roxas moved round to peer at the tablet. Each order came up on the screen as a box, numbered 1, 2, 3 and so on. On the right hand side was a counter with the total number of orders.

“Four.”

_idiot._

_Shut up._

“Okay, so you have four orders. Each of these orders is already broken down for you. Try not to focus on all of them at once, that’s a one way ticket to meltdown central. Focus on the one in front of you.” Roxas looked near them, and Riku looked close in response. Looking at foreheads made things a lot easier. “You know how to make a cappuccino?”

“Yes, I’m just struggling I guess. Y'all don’t use thermometers…”

“Thermometers are good for consistency, but they’re not good for individual drinks, especially with the variety of milks we use. Sure your usual 2% milk will always be stretched at the right temperature-”

“Stretched?” Riku hadn’t heard that word before. They had always just called it heating or foaming the milk.

“Yes. Stretched or spun, whatever word you want to use. You’re stressed.” Riku looked back to them, perplexed.

“I’m okay.”

“You’re looking at the floor, and your thumb looks like it wants to click something.” Riku only just noticed the movement their thumb was making. Stopping took every effort. This wasn’t going well.

_told you._

_Shut up I can do this._

_when._

“Here.” Roxas held out a fidget cube. Green, and slightly translucent like old game boys used to be. You could see the mechanisms inside. “One of ours. You can use it for now. Keep it in your pocket and when you need to stim, use that.”

“Thank you.” They didn’t want to argue. Taking the cube they found the side with the biggest clicker, and rapidly rocked their thumb over the whole thing. A wave of immediate calm and refocusing washed over them, and they breathed deeply.

“We have a thermometer if you want to use it. If y’alls brain is one that recognises numbers, and connects those numbers with outward results, then we can give it to you. Note down the number you reach when the jug gets too hot to hold your hand against. Never let the steam just bubble the milk, and we don’t leave the milk unattended. That’s the big green chain’s thing.”

“Yeah… We used to work there.” It had been a miserable time, and when they first started to fall apart into the two parts that inhabited the body things only got worse. They’d struggled with dissociation a little before, but had never really wanted to call it that. It had felt wrong somehow, like that was a word that they weren’t allowed to use. Like they weren’t disabled enough.

“I know. Now you work here. Much better for queer people, neurodiverse people, and systems.” Roxas’s smirk made Riku’s eyes widen again, much like in the back room earlier when Roxas had outed themselves to them.

_theyre lying. this is a trick._

_Why would they have told us if it was all a lie._

_so that you expose yourself and they can treat you like garbage-_

“Shut up.” Riku didn’t realise they’d said it out loud until they noticed Roxas’s expression had changed, an eyebrow slightly raised and the hint of a smile at the corner of their mouth.

They were actually extremely pretty. Wow. Huh. 

“...I’m going to assume that wasn’t for me.”

“No, ah, um. We’re sorry.”

“There’s no need to apologise. We deal with this a lot too. Do you want me to show you how to spin the milk again?”

“No I’m… We’ll be fine. Thank you.” Riku picked up the jug, pouring the contents down the drain, and rinsed it out before refilling with milk.

“Walk me through the process here.” Roxas asked from behind them. They seemed genuinely interested in making sure they were okay. The last coffee shop Riku had worked in had been somewhat more… hands off. They just wanted to treat and street everyone that walked in the door.

“You could be a bit easier on them!” Pence called over from the fridges, cloth in hand, wiping down the glass interior. “Starfucks have a reputation to people like us.”

“If they want me to take a different approach, we’re waiting on them saying so. They have every right to do so if they need to.” Riku turned to Roxas not really knowing where to look or what to do. They didn’t really know any other teaching techniques other than _do it till it was right_. Anything else seemed… scary and big. And difficult.

“No, it’s okay. This is fine. We’ve poured in the milk up to just below where the spout starts. Now we’re going to put the uh, steam pipe in.”

“On an angle, or straight down?” Roxas’s question was good, it gave them something to focus on. Something to say out loud. Something to refocus themselves on.

“On an angle, so the milk starts to spin round.”

“How far down are you putting the steam tube?”

_down your fucking throat_

_Shut up._

“Uh… just until the tip is fully submerged. We want the milk to not sound like anything, and for there to be just a gentle hiss every now and then.”

“Good. And you want to hold the jug until it’s just too hot to handle.”

“Which is hard for me because I… we have… sensitive... hands.”

_idiot. now he knows we cant do this fuckin jo-_

“There we go. That’s what we wanted to hear.” 

_huh?_

Roxas smiled, taking a deep breath and putting one hand on a hip. “I want you to tell us when you’re struggling. It might not always be me but there’s always a way we can help. Everybody is different. The big chains don’t care about that. We do. Hayner, Pence, and Olette do. None of us are completely neurotypical, some less so than others. We all struggle with things sometimes. What matters is you speak up when you need help.” Riku, who had been staring in between the coffee machine and nothing looked back around when they realised something was waving in their direction.

Roxas held out a clip on thermometer. Riku looked perplexed. “This was ours. I used it when we first started. I stopped needing it after a while, but we kept on to it as a crutch for the bad days, or when someone else is fronting.”

_could have given this to us earlier_

“I didn’t give you this earlier because Xion wanted to see how you’d get on.”

“Xion?” Riku was confused, they hadn’t met anyone by that name yet. Roxas reached up and tapped their head, and after a second Riku understood. “Oh, uh, hello she-on.”

“Close enough. She’s still nowhere near front. But close enough to talk to.” Roxas looked at the tablet again, then over to the table the customer was sat at. “Okay. Make me a cappuccino.”

“What are these markings?” Riku looked at the thermometer which had a green, red, blue, and black marking over different points around the circular compass display.

“My secret weapon.” Roxas gestured to the tablet. Riku looked down at the orders list. “All of these orders have a background colour. That’s a shorthand for which milk you need. Each milk has a slightly different optimal temperature. The colour on the thermometer relates to the colour code for each milk.”

_SO WHY DIDNT THEY JUST GIVE US THIS FIRST._

_I dont know._

_ask, idiot._

_Xion wanted to see how we got on naturally, Roxas JUST said._

_hate her already._

“Thank you. This will help a lot.” 

“You’re welcome. Please make me a cappuccino for table nine.”

Riku felt genuinely encouraged, and Roxas’s playful smile seemed encouraging enough that they wouldn’t be listening to the other person in their head for a while. Milk, pour, attach thermometer. Their espresso was ready to go, and all they had to do was make the milk the right way. Their vision flickered and blurred.

_No you dont!_

_id do this SO much faster than you_

_But Im the one doing it so back the fuck off and let me do this, Replica._

_oh, using first names now are we?_

_Shut up._

Shaking their head, Riku pulled the steam lever down. Quickly adjusting the position of the spout, they focused on the shine of the milk, waiting for it to go glossy, waiting for the temperature gauge to hit right on the blue line, and… as soon as the temperature matched they tugged the lever back upwards, hand automatically grabbing the damp cloth from under the machine and wiping the spout clean. A few taps on the counter, a quick and effective pour and a simple leaf shape poured into the coffee and…

“Hey… you did a really good job, Riku!” The voice sounded… softer than before? More high pitched. Playful? Riku turned to look and saw Roxas beaming at them, leaning on the counter with their palms turned outwards.

_uh._

_Sh._

_bit weird though_

_Shhh._

“Thank you, uh… Roxas?” The smile didn't leave leave their face as they gently shook their head and for the first time Riku really stopped to look at them. They were really pretty. Really really pretty. The way their brown hair with pink dyed ends looked so fluffy and soft, the way it gently brushed across their face - soft cheeks, small nose, eyes like an ocean in the morning sun… or at least that’s what they’d assume. Again, eye contact hurt.

They tried to look down but their eyes met Roxas's chest and immediately snapped lower, to near the counter, so they were only just in Riku's vision. They looked... so thin, almost frail. A gentle hand moved out to rest on Riku’s forearm so, so lightly and their heart lept as their eyes snapped back up to near theirs.

“I’m Sora. And I am so proud of you.”

A moment passed. Another moment. Sora blinked. Blinked again. Then their hand moved to the bell on the counter.

“Hayner! Cappucino for table nine please!” And that voice was back to the firm but comforting sound it had been previously. Riku let out the breath they didn’t realise they’d been holding. “Nice job. You’ve got another order up next. Clean up and get to it. We’re here if you need anything.

“Thank you… was that-”

“A switch yes. Someone wanted to say hello. She uses she and her. C’mon table three need their two lattes.”

_Okay. So this is uh._

_go on. say it._

_This is normal, huh._

_is that all youre gunna fuckin say today?_

They looked up at the Lightseekers as they served another customer, just watch for a few seconds more. When they thought it was starting to get wierd, they set about sheepishly clearing down to make the next set of orders. Looking around, Riku took a moment to realise just how lovely this cafe looked, all stone-topped tables and soft couches and cushions, with flowering plants on tables and shelves, and vines snaking across trellised walls. The wet pavement outside gleamed like a pool of golden light.

_Yeah. It makes sense._

_what makes sense._

_That someone so beautiful would work somewhere like this._

\---

_chapter 2_

_radiant garden_


End file.
